more reasons to be cheerful

I have a wonderful husband ...
I go to work and get paid every day ....
I have 2 beautiful sons ....
I have a darling dog ...

Papa

Oh man he died last Wednesday, and when it first happened I was sad for their family and very forgiving of all the shit that Papa had done to me and my boys, directly or indirectly.

Papa has from his grave been very prescriptive of who could and could not come to his wake.  I’m not invited of course as soon as I divorced Stephen they cut me adrift even though I gave birth to 3 grandchildren, one of whom died at day 4 and Otis’ twin.  His ashes are interned at Mt Thompson Crematorium and at that point they Joseph and Regina bought two spots above Declan.  Fast forward 27 years later, I had forgotten.

I was reminded by Stephen telling me that he was being interned above Declan, I was taken back, I wasn’t sure, the family connection was there, even though they are not my family they made that loud and clear.  My family has not been like that to Stephen at all.  

Darling Declan’s plaque says, Son of Stephen and Clare and Twin bother of Otis.  I was hating on Joseph and his family so bad.  But then out of the blue and I remember I chose not to be part of their family.  And there it is I chose not to be there, I chose to step outside of the circle of mental abuse that Joseph had created in his family.  I chose not to be part of it and to save my children and myself.

To this day it was the best thing I have ever done.

job searching

Oh, I see that I wrote I did not want to work in a corporate environment again, well to an extent that is true, but I have had many jobs since that post. I am again not working. It gets harder each time to keep looking. It's soul destroying and I have a very good resume but what I don't have is youth, you see I'm 57 and a woman and it is harder to land a role where I get paid over about $55 -$60k. I know I should just be grateful and take the damn job even though its boring and so below what I can do.

I did, in fact, do that for about 6 weeks but seriously it was like a sweatshop. A group of underpaid women where working frantically each day for a large corporate business who are making millions. Why should I contribute to the unequal distribution of labour and money against women?

I am feeling very low, some days are ok but I am feeling really bad at the moment. Everything is judged by what you do. Well, I do nothing because I am not working.

I do wonder if I am a bit depressed, Pattie's death is still raw and surreal. Anyway will continue doing this I need an outlet...


Photo by Pattie Williamson

Good God

Lots has happened it's now June 2017!!

The future looks great!

Good morning world! Well its almost a week since I left work, this is the first day on my own, and god oh so lovely, so quiet and so still. I have been side tracked to here, just looking at jobs for the first time since I left. I do not want to work full time in a corporate environment again. My plan is to get part time work, go back to study here online to up-skill myself to HTLM5, CSS3, JavaScript and PHP. I am excited again to finally be moving forward. Seven years in the one job is a long time. I had thought I might make the magic 10 years but the thought of another 3 was not in my best interest for my plans to go out on my own. Did i tell you so freaking excited at what lays ahead. I have no idea, but whatever it is it has to be part time and work with my schedule. I want it to compliment what I do, and it would be great if i could do it from home or be able to have days at home working. It is the digital age now, the internet is everywhere. you'll see more of me now...

At Simons studio

Take a look

Nothing like..

...a crossword to get you thinking in the morning.
Reasons to be cheerful:
The bus
Warmth beside you at night :-)
Coffee
Warm spring morning