Blending

Can you really blend a family? I’m not feeling too confident in that area. The BF moved house about 4 months ago. He bought a house on the other side of town which meant he left the safety of his suburb of 17 years. That’s a long time when you consider his wondering past. It’s the life time of his children going to school.

The move has been hard and he feels my home is more like his home than his own. . I can’t help being a domestic goddess, it’s very normal…grin.

There has been talk of us moving in with each other, it won’t happen for another year but that gives me time to digest living with 4 yes FOUR adolescent boys. Mine are will be 15 and 17 by then his will be 19 and 21 and yes they are all living at home. I can of course deal with mine. That’s the beauty of giving birth and the overwhelming rush of love that takes you from small helpless baby to a monosyllabic teenager you still looking at them with a loving smile. This is the same for the BF and his children. Your own children can do no wrong, well they can but you forgive them and you love them. That’s how families survive, unconditional love.

I have to confess that this unconditional love that BF has for his children I just don’t posses, I’m sure it’s the same for my kids and him. My unconditional-less love is overpowering for one of his children. His youngest and his favourite! How do you get over that? I guess I could just bite my tongue, I guess I will have to look away and ignore. The only trouble is I’m not big on that.

Things I can’t ignore

1. The state of favourite-son-to-be’s bedroom is rubbish tip. On the day BF moved in FSTB was tired and I’m guessing hung over so he slept until he had to pack up his room at the old house. Drove the distance to the new house and he dumped the contents of his room in the new room and I mean dumped. I put together his bed and made it and placed his contents around the bed so he at least had a walk way. 4 months later it remains the same. He’s still sleeping in the same sheets. He wouldn’t let BF use any of his painting to hang in the house because he wanted them all for his room. The still lay mangled all over the floor.
2. I get a new phone with my plan every 2 years. It came up around the time of the move. I was showing BF my new phone and he asked if I would mind giving it to FSTB as he had lost his phone and BF found it hard to get in contact with him. I had thought about giving it to M a girlfriend that needed a new phone but of course I wanted FSTB to have it. I gave it to him and as soon as I handed it over I regretted it. I just had this feeling he couldn’t give a shit about it. It was a Nokia slide one so it was good and I saw it two days later and it was smashed. I bit my tongue and it hurt. He has zero respect for people and possessions, which bothers me.
3. I helped BF move house, I helped BF paint, clean and renovate the new house. I took 3 days annual leave to help organise, BF was not coping with the move. I spent 5 days just on the move alone. I enjoyed most of it. His boys did nothing but complain. By the 5th day I had to leave I could not stand them watching any longer.

Ok that about does it for now. The list could go on but there is no point, the three things above I have not been able to forget. I have the rest, but these stick.

If we blend and they are not paying rent well then there will be butting of heads. I will not stand for disrespect. I will not stand for pigsty behaviour. Although it’s not my role to bring them into line either.

I think I’m just going to have to tell BF that I love him but living with his children is another ball game.